:~~: Art Of Listening : ~~:

Listening

It is every kid’s dream. Here I was with my new learner’s permit sitting behind the wheel of the family car. The light turned green and I was just beginning to press down on the accelerator. “Don’t go!” my father said sternly. I looked ahead, but saw no reason to not go forward, so I pressed down on the pedal. “Hit the brake!” shouted my father. His loud voice startled me to the point that my reflexes took over. I stomped on the brake just as a huge cement truck came screaming across the intersection through a red light. It jumped over the sidewalk, smashed a fence, and finally came to rest against a pile of dirt in a nearby construction site.

My father had done what I neglected to do. He had looked both ways and saw the fast moving truck and could see it wasn’t slowing down. I was so excited to be driving, that I was focused only on the changing light. It was only one of the many times that I have been grateful that I have listened to my father’s advice, even those times when I couldn’t quickly see why.

I think this is a realy important message for all of us to learn this art of listening before its too late....Do give ur precious views about this topic...

REgards

Rightly said sis...thanx Ji

Listen

Listen
Practical insight on the art of listening to others

When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving me advice, you have not done what I asked.

When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.

When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as that may seem.

Listen ! All I asked was that you listen, not to talk or do -- just hear me. Advice is cheap; twenty cents will get you both, Dear Abby and Billy Graham in the same newspaper.

And I can do for myself. I am not helpless. Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless.

When you do something for me that I can and need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear and inadequacy.

But when you accept as a simple fact, that I do feel what I feel, no matter how irrational, then I can quit trying to convince you and can get about the business of understanding what's behind this irrational feeling.

And when that's clear, the answers are obvious and I don't need advice. Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what's behind them.

Perhaps that's why prayer works, sometimes, for some people -- because God is mute, and He/She doesn't give advice, or try to fix things.

'They' just listen, and let you work it out for yourself. So please listen and just hear me. And if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn --

I'll listen to you.

 Jujhar ji, what attract my eye is the tittle of this topic: "The Art of Listening." Its truly an ART, not only hearing but actually Listening is the Art. It occurred to me that we often want to be heard, no matter what circumstances are but we want to express how we think or feel about issues. Sometimes its allowed and even required but to have a fruitful conversation everyone has to have an equal amount in it. Listening also gives the speaker more confidence, we realize this when someone listens to us. Not only when or if they react on our words but on their body language. How can we improve our listening skills?

First maintain eye contact with the speaker, if this is not possible (phone call, chat on line), make sure they are aware that you listen, say once in a while 'ok', or 'fine', or even 'i listen, go on'.

Listen to the content of the message, not the delivery: ex: don't focus on how many times speaker fondles their hair...etc...

Avoid too much emotional involvement. When you are too emotionally involved in listening, you tend to hear what you want to hear--not what is actually being said. Try to remain objective and open-minded. Not as easy as it sounds....

Avoid attractions: its difficult when you are called in the middle of rumor but still try to find a silent spot to sit and listen.

Stay active by asking questions: when you ask questions, they notice you listened, no need to interrupt conversation but wait till they are finished talking.

These are few points to increase our ability to listen. Reason we tend to interrupt conversations is because we can think faster than the person we are talking to. Our mind does have the capacity to listen, think, write and ponder at the same time, but it does take practice.

Selina

Wahe guru jee ka khalsa waheguru ki fateh !!

  Well said selina jee Listening is an " ART "

    QUOTE

  "The Art of Listening." Its truly an ART, not only hearing  but      &n bsp; actually Listening is the Art."

 Futher to it also would like to add that listening works as attribute towords the making of mind frame on the speeker personality and helps  listener in making the conduct for himself towords the speeker.   Listening is a form for vibes which comes to our rescue when we are alone and depreesed. Listening makes us feel that there is somebody who is there for us who is concern and supportive towords us and our personality.

Since the art of being a good listener is to create the space within which the speaker can sense their own imperfect feelings and thoughts, a good listening response is often all that is needed to help a speeker access inner concerns and feelings. However, when a person is under stress or feeling very vulnerable, there is a tendency to close off, keeping feelings and concerns locked within, so they are hard to find and express.

  Listening brings the following positve pesonality development in our lifes.

  1. Makes us patient and calm 

  2. works as a mirror and gives us feedback on what should be our code of conduct.

  How can listening skills be improved?

       Listen carefully so that you will be able to understand, comprehend, and evaluate. Careful listening will require a conscious effort on your part. You must be aware of the verbal and nonverbal messages (reading between the lines).

       Be mentally and physically prepared to listen. Put other thoughts out of your mind. Your attention will be diverted from listening if you try to think of answers in advance.

       You can't hear if YOU do all the talking. Don't talk too much.

       Think about the topic in advance, if possible. Be prepared to listen.

       Listen with empathy. See the situation from the other's point of view. Try to put yourself in their shoes.

       Be courteous; don't interrupt. Take notes if you worry about forgetting a particular point.

       Avoid stereotyping individuals by making assumptions about how you expect them to act. This will bias your listening.

       Listen to how something is said. Be alert for what is left unsaid.

       Make certain everyone involved gets an opportunity to voice their opinions. Don't let one person dominate the conversation.

       Face those you are talking with, lean slightly forward, and make eye contact. Use body to show your interest, concern.

 

Roadblocks to effective listening.

The following types of responses indicate ineffective listening:

       warning 

       interrogating 

       preaching

       ordering

       judging 

       diverting

       analyzing

       blaming

       labeling 

       moralizing

       probing 

       ridiculing

       threatening 

       reassuring 

       distracting 

       sympathizing 

       demanding 

       interpreting 

       teaching 

       withdrawing

       giving solutions 

       scolding 

       praising 

       advising

       criticizing 

       directing 

       lecturing 

       name–calling

Reasons to Improve Listening Skills

       To avoid saying the wrong thing, being tactless

       To dissipate strong feelings

       To learn to accept feelings (yours and others)

       To generate a feeling of caring

       To help people start listening to you

       To increase the other person's confidence in you

       To make the other person feel important and recognized

       To be sure you both are on the same wavelength

       To be sure you both are focused on the same topic

       To check that you are both are on target with one another

Questions to Ask Yourself in Conversations

       What am I doing in this interaction?

       What are my strategies or goals in communicating this message?

       Where do I want to go in this conversation?

       What is my body feeling right now in this conversation?

       What pressures am I feeling in talking with this person?

       What could I say differently?

       How could I say that so as to show I understood?

       What am I feeling at this time?

       What impulses do I have?

       What is my decision–making process in this conversation?

       How is she feeling toward me?

       What do I want or not want him to feel?

       What risks am I experiencing in this conversation?

       How is her appearance affecting me?

       What fantasy is going on in my head in this dialogue?

       What cues of the other am I responding to?

       How does his behavior affect my approach in this discussion?

       How genuine am I feeling at this time?

       How does what I say reflect genuineness to her?

       How could I have made what I just said more empathetic? How did I demonstrate respect for the other?

       How is my level of communication and vocabulary affecting the dialogue?

       What different style of communication could I use to reach her better?

       How attentive am I to him at this time?

       How do I feel about her response?

       How comfortable am I feeling at this time?

       How are my values affecting what I am hearing at this time?

       What is the level of my trust at this time?

       How did that question further the discussion and show I was listening?

       How mutually helpful is this conversation at this time?

       How honest are my statements with her?

       How comfortable am I in honestly labeling what I see going on with him?

       What can I do to improve the feedback I am giving the other?

       How well am I tuning into her feelings?

       What responses can I use to demonstrate that I am ``with'' the other?

 

 

 

hope above discuused topic will enable us to be an active listner and in next part i will discuss what gurbani has to say in listening as disscused in japji 8-11 pauri of suneeya.

 Preetji and welcome back after a long time....

Thanks for the useful tips and while reading your post i happend to notice that we have lot to learn to be a good listener. Using this in daily life we sure will approve our relationships. Now lets hope the other person is a good listener too, it doesnt feel good at all realising we are talking to a brick wall. Often we might get that feeling, we talk and the other person is busy with lot of other things, when we say: "Do you know what i mean?", they answer: "Yes go on," but i really doubt if they understood what we are trying to say. Sometimes their thoughts seems to be far away.... 

A conversation is a cooperation between two or more people, you cant expect someone to listen if you cant be focussed either, your talking partner isnt blind to the signals you give either. Preetji, we cant wait to read your next post about what Gurbani has to say about this....

Dear Truth Seeker ji...I m so amazed to read ur posts...U go so deeply into the topic, thats really great...Veer I have read a book called Men are from Mars and women are from venus...it also explains the different traits in men and women and the way they listen...just read it if u get a chance...

I asked u in my earlier post also veer...Do I know U? Do u attend the seminars etc.?
Thanx for ur kind participation ji...Keep up the good work

Regards

Gur Fateh all members of our LT family..

I think this topic is only worth agreeing to but also deserves a lot of appreciation since these things that we ignore in our day to day life really play a big role in our life..

Especially in the world of today..where we all are so busy with ourselves or in other words we all have become so self centered that we hardly have time to listen to others or to even pay attention to our beloved ones...And in such a scenario whenever we go slightly out of our way to listen to others.we might forget it sooner or later but I have experienced at times that the other person realy doesn't forget it for quite some span of time..bcos of that special attention they felt we have given them only by listening to them...

And why not it shud be when even the nature always wanted it to be lke that..why otherwise we would have had two ears to listen and only mouth for speaking...

So i think we shud all try to take it as an order of nature and try to listen twice as compared to what we speak...

Rest, being slightly new to this forum i really hope i will be forgiven if I said anything wrong..

With all the good wishes,

 

 

 

 

Thank you Selina ji and Jujhar for your kind appreciation. It feels good to be genuinely appreciated,however i don't deserve it to begin with.

Yes, Jujhar, you know me Let me refresh your memory,we met at Veerji's seminar at Shimla, i accompanied Preet. I had sent u a request to reset my password a few months back. Ring a bell?

All the views shared above by the members are precious and deserve appreciation and applause.

Keep pouring in your thoughts and expressions and contributing a part of your personalities at our esteemed forum.

Gurfateh ji.

Humbly yours,
Truth seeker


Edited by truth seeker

 Truth Seeker Ji, everyone who puts efforts to make life better fro everyone deserves appreciation, so please accept mine . In our world its not a daily event but very rare. I wish there were more people like you and our precious members, its a good start to make something good from this world, we want our world to be worth living for, not only for a few but for whole mankind.

 Now something more about listening, few days ago i was talking to a friend, and i noticed how hard it is for some people to listen, it came to my notice cause we just discussed it here. We discussed some issues and she asked for my opinion. When she finished i tried to answer though she kept interrupting me, i didn't had a chance to finish my sentence, so i just stayed silent after trying few times to make it to her notice that i was answering her question. After a few minutes, she stopped talking and asked why i didn't say anything anymore, i told her that i tried but that it didn't work cause she kept interrupting and when two people talk its impossible to understand what has been told. She realized her mistake and said that she didn't even notice, she apologized and said that she was so eager to share her story that she forgot to listen to what i had to say about it. This is not an unusual situation and it happens to all of us at times. Thats why its so important to Listen...we might miss very important parts of what one says only and because we think what we have to say is more important...Lets try really hard next time...